I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
