Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize