I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
