I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
