Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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