a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm like, not good at living.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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