**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Sorry about my life...
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
