I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
