I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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