so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
