I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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