proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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