Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
