then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Fuck appropriateness.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
