i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
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