He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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