I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
