I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
