we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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