So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
