'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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