You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
