Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
