She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
She bit a glass in half.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
