my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
