one might say we're banned from that church
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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