I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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