Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
