I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize