woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
