its not stalking. its research.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize