It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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