and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
