I just made out with a guy for $7.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
