Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
