fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
