last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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