Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
