I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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