i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
