He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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