Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
