I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
