When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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