He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize