so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
We're too hungover to prance.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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