I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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