I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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