Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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