i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I want to make a zoo with you.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
