Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
