i jhust puked up my retainher.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
