Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize