If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Please don't give away my fajitas
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
