you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
