god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize