Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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