This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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