I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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