I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
