he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
