She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
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