I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
