yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
