Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
