I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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