We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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