It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
