in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
