My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
