Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Randomize
