I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
