Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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