meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
