I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize