i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
