Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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