I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Are we still banned from the library?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
