im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
