You just made me feel so damn special
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Four minutes until I can fart!
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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