he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
