she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
