We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
my shit smells like andre
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize