went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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