2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
