Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
