He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
