TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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