Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
