I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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