so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
What a dumb baby whore.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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