I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize