i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
