# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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