why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
