when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize