How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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