Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
