remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
