So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I need to wash the frat house off of me
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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