We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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