he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
