the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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